Social Media and Me

  The other day a friend posed this question.  "What is your relationship with social media?"   oh BOY...the answer is complicated and a little messy but I would say in one word. Waning.... change also works but mostly waning.  

  I found Facebook in approximately 2009, I joined as a way to keep up with a girlfriend and family who were not nearby.  I found the farm games and they kept me company as I devoted WAY TOO MUCH TIME to planting and harvesting virtual crops to buy a pretend pink tractor or a new barn.  It all helped me adjust to a new town where I had no friends and no job and then as I found some friends who also played farm games on Facebook, we had something to laugh about over wine.  I found a job, I found friends and when I had moments I surfed around on Facebook, checked on my farms and shared every bit of anything. I became very good at sharing more than necessary to the point my lovely new friends sometimes called me See More for the little notation in posts when you have gone on a bit more than most people do. 

 In 2010 when my sweet job went south in a difficult way as jobs sometimes do, I turned to my dream of a handmade business. I began sewing aprons and bags from vintage sheets and found there were business driven pages on Facebook and the world opened up.  So I dove into using social media as a tool for marketing my business, opened an Etsy page and sold direct from Facebook.  I felt it was crucial to engage and for me to work a business like it was my heart and soul because it was. I shared lots, too much and likewise on my personal page.  So much of my day was about what was happening on Facebook and I was checking for messages and questions throughout the day. Social Media became my store, my hangout and I thought my safe haven.   Every day brought new people, individuals who bought or admired my goods or just liked the banter.  I made friends with other business people and I felt there was a sense of community.  I purchased from many of those businesses and created what I thought were friendships via private messages. I gave my entire trust and energy to my online social media world, business and personal. Probably not the best idea but it filled a void. 

Along came Instagram, I opened business and personal accounts there, Facebook and Instagram fed each other and for a while it was all smooth.  But as happens in all things, the good turned a little harder and there were eventually some awful hurtful episodes as friendships I counted on shifted, changed, faded and went away. The community I thought I had around me fell away and eventually like life it wasn't the same as it used to be.  Business done on social media changed as the waters became muddier and muddier with more and more people jumping in, talk of algorithms and post engagement and programs to teach you how to market online for a monthly fee. Younger, hipper influencers posting gorgeous photos daily using filters and correct hashtags took over and did a far better job than I could. After all I was a dreamer who made stuff at her kitchen table, put it on a mannequin named Betty and took pictures in the back yard before throwing it on Facebook and Instagram with heartfelt personal posts.. I felt irrelevant and frustrated and knew that maybe social media had passed me by in it's ever changing shifting way. 

I now work a job and don't make cute things to sell online. People I counted on and thought were friends have disappeared and moved.  Differences of opinion have become reasons to unfriend and block and it's been difficult to see the extremes and intolerance.  My heart has been broken a bit because I invested more than I probably should have in what I thought were real relationships,  relationships carried on in private messages that felt like real connection. I do have a few I hold dear and treasure still.  And then I watched The Social Dilemma. Oh boy that really was an eye opener as to how social media was designed to hold our attention and have us scroll endlessly and how we have become addicted in ways that make us want to buy things or look at advertising mindlessly.  I don't want to be part of all of that.

I have been cleaning out closets, paring down my fabric and craft supplies, emptying drawers and old boxes of jewelry I don't wear. I did the same for my social media deleting people and businesses I was following but really didn't have an interest or connection. I let go of the ones who let go of me and cut who I follow or like (or whatever)  both Facebook and Instagram in half and I will do another purge again.  I don't enjoy posting as I used to and don't spend the time I used to spend. I check in a few times a day, but the endless scrolling time isn't what I want to do.  It just isn't fun and doesn't feel good.  It means less to me emotionally (clearly a breakup that needed to happen) as I am craving what is real and lovely.  A walk, time in a book, a phone call with a friend.  Way better ways to spend my one precious life.   Live life out loud and use social media for connection and information from trusted sources.   There that's it.... my relationship with Facebook was way too much (sigh), it became toxic and now it's waning.  If I'm honest I miss the banter and fun chatter of a community that was but isn't anymore.  That was then and I'm letting go of the sadness that came with the unraveling.  It's okay. This all felt sad at first but it's not, it's change that opens doors, a mind and a heart.  It's how we clear space for what is next and good and healthy. Social media isn't our good friend, we need to control it and not be controlled by it.  Lessons learned in every single thing.  

I will continue to check my social media, less than ever before. Social media isn't in control of me any longer and that's a good healthy thing.  Like all relationships it's good to be clear on where you stand with the thing.  A waning relationship is good, it's time to move on a little and let life be what it is without making sure everyone knows all the bits and pieces of my life.  I think I'll save that for the stories I tell here, after all I'm a dreamer, star gazer,  believer in good things, truth telling and lovely words.  

Love wildly,

Barbara