Social Media and Me

  The other day a friend posed this question.  "What is your relationship with social media?"   oh BOY...the answer is complicated and a little messy but I would say in one word. Waning.... change also works but mostly waning.  

  I found Facebook in approximately 2009, I joined as a way to keep up with a girlfriend and family who were not nearby.  I found the farm games and they kept me company as I devoted WAY TOO MUCH TIME to planting and harvesting virtual crops to buy a pretend pink tractor or a new barn.  It all helped me adjust to a new town where I had no friends and no job and then as I found some friends who also played farm games on Facebook, we had something to laugh about over wine.  I found a job, I found friends and when I had moments I surfed around on Facebook, checked on my farms and shared every bit of anything. I became very good at sharing more than necessary to the point my lovely new friends sometimes called me See More for the little notation in posts when you have gone on a bit more than most people do. 

 In 2010 when my sweet job went south in a difficult way as jobs sometimes do, I turned to my dream of a handmade business. I began sewing aprons and bags from vintage sheets and found there were business driven pages on Facebook and the world opened up.  So I dove into using social media as a tool for marketing my business, opened an Etsy page and sold direct from Facebook.  I felt it was crucial to engage and for me to work a business like it was my heart and soul because it was. I shared lots, too much and likewise on my personal page.  So much of my day was about what was happening on Facebook and I was checking for messages and questions throughout the day. Social Media became my store, my hangout and I thought my safe haven.   Every day brought new people, individuals who bought or admired my goods or just liked the banter.  I made friends with other business people and I felt there was a sense of community.  I purchased from many of those businesses and created what I thought were friendships via private messages. I gave my entire trust and energy to my online social media world, business and personal. Probably not the best idea but it filled a void. 

Along came Instagram, I opened business and personal accounts there, Facebook and Instagram fed each other and for a while it was all smooth.  But as happens in all things, the good turned a little harder and there were eventually some awful hurtful episodes as friendships I counted on shifted, changed, faded and went away. The community I thought I had around me fell away and eventually like life it wasn't the same as it used to be.  Business done on social media changed as the waters became muddier and muddier with more and more people jumping in, talk of algorithms and post engagement and programs to teach you how to market online for a monthly fee. Younger, hipper influencers posting gorgeous photos daily using filters and correct hashtags took over and did a far better job than I could. After all I was a dreamer who made stuff at her kitchen table, put it on a mannequin named Betty and took pictures in the back yard before throwing it on Facebook and Instagram with heartfelt personal posts.. I felt irrelevant and frustrated and knew that maybe social media had passed me by in it's ever changing shifting way. 

I now work a job and don't make cute things to sell online. People I counted on and thought were friends have disappeared and moved.  Differences of opinion have become reasons to unfriend and block and it's been difficult to see the extremes and intolerance.  My heart has been broken a bit because I invested more than I probably should have in what I thought were real relationships,  relationships carried on in private messages that felt like real connection. I do have a few I hold dear and treasure still.  And then I watched The Social Dilemma. Oh boy that really was an eye opener as to how social media was designed to hold our attention and have us scroll endlessly and how we have become addicted in ways that make us want to buy things or look at advertising mindlessly.  I don't want to be part of all of that.

I have been cleaning out closets, paring down my fabric and craft supplies, emptying drawers and old boxes of jewelry I don't wear. I did the same for my social media deleting people and businesses I was following but really didn't have an interest or connection. I let go of the ones who let go of me and cut who I follow or like (or whatever)  both Facebook and Instagram in half and I will do another purge again.  I don't enjoy posting as I used to and don't spend the time I used to spend. I check in a few times a day, but the endless scrolling time isn't what I want to do.  It just isn't fun and doesn't feel good.  It means less to me emotionally (clearly a breakup that needed to happen) as I am craving what is real and lovely.  A walk, time in a book, a phone call with a friend.  Way better ways to spend my one precious life.   Live life out loud and use social media for connection and information from trusted sources.   There that's it.... my relationship with Facebook was way too much (sigh), it became toxic and now it's waning.  If I'm honest I miss the banter and fun chatter of a community that was but isn't anymore.  That was then and I'm letting go of the sadness that came with the unraveling.  It's okay. This all felt sad at first but it's not, it's change that opens doors, a mind and a heart.  It's how we clear space for what is next and good and healthy. Social media isn't our good friend, we need to control it and not be controlled by it.  Lessons learned in every single thing.  

I will continue to check my social media, less than ever before. Social media isn't in control of me any longer and that's a good healthy thing.  Like all relationships it's good to be clear on where you stand with the thing.  A waning relationship is good, it's time to move on a little and let life be what it is without making sure everyone knows all the bits and pieces of my life.  I think I'll save that for the stories I tell here, after all I'm a dreamer, star gazer,  believer in good things, truth telling and lovely words.  

Love wildly,

Barbara

How it's going.....

It's been quite a year hasn't it? I'm not the first to say this for sure but that's where this post is starting because it's the only sentence that comes to mind.  I need a little wrap up of what this all feels like although honestly, I don't think the state of things will change with the clock hitting midnight on December 31.  I think we are in for more of all that we are weathering right now.  That being said, I think change is constant and we are moving through a time that has challenged all of us to think about how we approach life, our values and each other, and that isn't all bad.  

The pandemic is heartbreaking and has touched everyone.   We are isolated from those we love, too many are gone, too many are fighting for their health and too many will have health concerns going into the future.  Small businesses are struggling, pivoting and closing. We are learning different ways of handling work and school and so many changes to roll along with  We miss our families and traditions of gathering and the political aspects that have been attached to a medical crisis have made it impossible to come to any consensus of how we should behave and live. I've been exposed 2 times  even in the safe bubbles I've tried to create.  I have tested 3 times and that isn't always an easy process to navigate but I am sure the medical front line people are doing heroes work from the bottom to the top.  I can't imagine having to figure out systems for management of testing, treating, informing and healing while the virus is raging and out of control.  So I will not complain about one bit of this and wish I knew how to help more than masking, staying home and being isolated within my bubble.  I'll do all of that and more to help protect my family, my community and myself and I  trust the science so I will listen to the medical and scientific community for cues and information. 

I didn't want to really get into all of this but I can't talk about this year and where I am and where we are without saying all of that.   But I do want to wrap this year up with some thoughts.   So here goes.....  As horrible and difficult and frightening and uncertain as 2020 has been there have been silver linings, actually I truly believe in all things there are silver linings even if they are tarnished and hard to see.  Slowing down has been a gift.  There, I said it. I have gained so much (besides the 12 covid pounds we aren't going talk about ).  I've had time to think, I've had time to slow down and rest when I need to. I have gathered projects and puzzles and books.  I have gained insight and some peace believe it or not.  I've let go of some things I thought were important..(Facebook, you top the list, we are much less attached to each other than before), I've figured out who is in my circle and who isn't.... and I've learned to trust the timing of things. I took an online painting class and found out I'm not that good at painting cute flowers on wood blocks.  I have listened to books on Audible and podcasts (Armchair Expert, Brene Brown and bits of others) and binged through some really great TV. (Schitts Creek is life) . I semi cleaned out my closet, so much more to go and I'm perched and ready to  let go of  clothes, junk jewelry, shoes, fabric and craft items I don't use, won't use and are taking up space. Although, I might be needing therapy when that goes down.  I rode a horse for the first time in 10 years, you all...it was like going home, that is a big heart thing and I'll write about it soon.  I've worked on my financial situation and my credit is going up...you have no idea how much I want a trophy for that!  I've had zoom cocktail parties with girlfriends, face timed with friends for coffee, checked in on my children and grandchildren over speaker and facetime, made my Christmas gifts, decorated like crazy for the holidays and found peace with myself.  Yes I threw that OH SO important piece of life in casually. THE BEST gain of the year .  Let me say it again. I found peace with myself. The work I've been trying to do without getting there needed me to slow down, make space for it  and let peace have time show up.  This deserves a deep dive, we will do that later..  

I will tell you the hard stuff too, what I miss....  Connection in real life, hugs, waking up in my big kids homes with sleepy grandkids, hugs, travel, my mom, a weekend at our summer home that was cancelled and did I mention hugs. This year a friend told me her leukemia had again reared it's ugly head and she was done fighting. We lost her months later but she left us with a collective appreciation of her spirit, collective connection over her, a zoom memorial service  and a song I can't stop listening to (Lovely Day by Bill Withers, play it and I promise you will smile ). This year brought job losses and new jobs for people I love.  I miss not feeling  SO MUCH worry , a sense of impending dread lurks all the time, I feel like my heart breaks almost every day with the things on the news but I truly think this is how change is. It's chaotic and messy and awful and then better things rise to the top.  This is just how we fix what is broken and if there is anything that is needed, it's fixing the broken.  

 This year it's just a holiday that is not like any we have had, it's a good time to be grateful for your loved ones and their safety. Warm roofs and food on the table are not to be taken for granted and should never have been. Wrapped gifts pale in comparison to knowing we have enough to get by.  The stars still shine and are there for you to wish under every night.  The seasons are unfolding as they do and sharing their unique gifts  and if we have to slow down our ridiculously busy lives, it's a good time to look around a bit more at what is right there to our left and to our right.  Get a cup of something warm or something that warms you , put your feet up and look at the lights on your tree and just breathe a bit. Take a walk outside, make a good meal, bake something or sit and read...simple earnest things that will fill you up when you are low.  I am sure we will be okay, I have to be sure of that and I am... It will be okay... And for your amusement... A picture of my 15 year old self in a bunch of hand knits on Christmas morning, so unsure of my place in the world and a picture of now me, a whole more sure of my place in the world and always always always believing in the magic of things.    

How it started...    

How it's going...

May your days be merry and bright...even in the dark.

Love you like white twinkle lights.

B

Living the Minutes

I recently lost a friend to leukemia, way...too...soon. It is a fresh loss and I am struggling still..... She was someone I met in high school, we were in the same circle of friends and activities but I wouldn't say we connected or were close. But some kind of magic happened about 10 years ago thanks to Facebook messenger. We began to "chat" and connect, and we found a sweet friendship that has meant a great deal to me since then.

When she confided that her leukemia had returned and her time was short, I felt ill equipped to give much in the way of advice so I tried to find words of honest comfort.  I told her how much I adored her, I told her how I couldn't imagine the world without her and as uneasy as it was, we talked about her time being so very short. The last message she sent me was right  to the point, just like her.  "what am I supposed to think about knowing time is so short...do I just stop waking up or do I live until then?" wow....wow...wow... there it was the question I had NO idea how to answer. I didn't want to think about her wondering what was ahead about the brutal truth of it all and the reality of losing her. I didn't want to think or talk about what was the most honest question she could have put before me.  Because it was important and she deserved something real because she had trusted me with that bit of honesty...I answered the best way I knew how.

I said "I think you keep waking up and live the best you can in each moment, I don't know if you should look forward or back, just do what you can in each  minute you have before you, I think that is the key to it all. Just be right there. And for the record this is so f#@&ed up "   Probably not the most eloquent words every strung together but all I could manage to find...

I didn't have what felt like was the right wisdom for her, I wanted to find words that would carry her through her pain and fears, I wanted to do more than offer platitudes that fell short of everything. I wanted to try to fix her heart as she faced the impossible.  But I don't feel like I did that...But....a week later as I got the news she had mercifully left her pain behind, I thought a great deal about what I had told her. I tossed and turned so many nights until I heard it loud and clear, my own words coming back to me in the dark..."I think you keep waking up and live the best you can in each moment...."   Have I been doing that at all?? the answer is not so much.... I have admittedly lived in between rehashing all my mistakes and past errors and wishing for a life that felt more like being alive. I've been floating on the waters of wishes, hopes and somedays. I have sabatoged the things I know I should be doing , I have spent money foolishly instead of saving, I have made plans only to cancel and found every excuse under the stars to blame anything else except myself for any struggles. I've been wallowing and in doing so handing away any power I have to live life fully.  It's ridiculous...seriously...
And my favorite poem keeps showing up in my thoughts...not an accident at all..

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

~Mary Oliver, The Summer Day~

Unknown to me and perhaps to her as well, my friend gave me a gift in our last "conversation" , in examining the way of things...she gently lead me to examine what one is to do with the years, days and minutes we have left because there are no promises of time. I've heard that said a million times but it is the truthiest truth I know.  Life is meant to be lived open heartedly, the good , the hard, the beautiful and the losses...every single speck of it, that is the living part, the up and down and all around, the twisty turns of it all. It's not meant to be easy, it's mean to be exactly what it is, a long long winding road full of everything... Embrace the messiness and confusion that comes with being alive, embrace the ragged emotions and the soaring beauty of sunrises, hilltops and the faces of loved ones.  Cry when you have to, sing every day and dance it out regularly.  Let yourself be pulled toward what calls your name in whispers and shouts and don't waste one moment more wallowing or dreaming dreams you don't have the wisdom and courage to follow. Change your attitude about it all, the days are gifts and if you are unhappy, make a change, not easy but I am pretty sure so worth it...  If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't and it's totally okay to pivot, turn and change your mind. Be relentless in your truth and honor your self as you honor the people you care about. Make plans, don't cancel them and mostly choose courage over comfort  or find comfort in courage.  If something, someplace or someone feels like home and sunshine, there is a good reason, go there.... Sad days are okay, just make sure you have more that are not sad. Lighten up, let go, "let your soul and spirit fly" (Into the Mystic by Van Morrison). Less angst and more unwrapping of your heart. Speak words of truth and kindness whenever you can, to others and yourself. Love way more than you don't...Pay attention... live every single one  your moments .

Shine Bright....

B

p.s.  I took this picture heading towards my home town a few years ago crossing the Golden Gate Bridge.. My dear friend loved the City and this bridge so much.  This post is dedicated with so much gratitude and fondness to Sandy. May you fly high and I'll see you on the other side of the stars..

Blackberry and Bee

Here we go. New place, new name and still me.   Wildflower 57 was shut down a year ago, it was the absolute right thing but I always suspected there was more left to explore. So here I am.

First of all, the name.   My blackberry connection runs deep, I spent all of my summers until my college years in a little family cabin with beds on the porch and swimsuits on the railings in a beach town where my family moved the weekend school was out. We rented out our regular house and moved to the old family place for the summer where we stayed until the Monday afternoon of Labor Day, returning in time to start school. Next to the house, just off the big back deck was a blackberry patch that kept us in jam and pies all summer and into the fall. We would hack our way in and carrying pans we avoided the huge thorns and gathered the sweetest, biggest blackberries leaving the red ones to ripen for another day. My mom would whip up the best lattice top blackberry pies (and apple pies from the tree in the yard, but that's another story) and a couple of times a summer we would make jam that we used all year and gave as gifts to family and friends at Christmas. My favorite summer breakfast was pie on the back deck with my dad. Blackberry stained fingers stayed with me all summer long....

Bees are just a sort of personal symbol besides buzzing all over that blackberry patch, the back deck and the apple tree in that place that formed so much of who I am. Without the bees, there would be no blackberries.

I have been pulled to write and create again after taking some time off. This feels like the right time to explore the things that talk to me in the middle of the night, sweet stories and thoughts about sunshine and kindness...all of that. The making of things is right now personal and important and not about making money from it, there are many things that go along with the business side of handmade business and I am not in that space . The writing is another story, it needs to be read and shared. At least that's how it seems to me. I totally reserve the right to pivot and change directions as I go along but before I know where this is going, I needed a place for it all to land and grow.  I'm going to figure it out as I go and I ask nothing more of it all except to just be.

Please come back, I would love to share thoughts and good things with you. Truth talk and big ideas. Whatever falls out of my heart.  I'm so very glad you are here.

<3
B