Oh Hey Hi

 Lately, I've heard the whispers of things I've been meaning to do.  If I had an organized bucket list, the things that would for sure be on it.  Write....I've heard that over and over.  I have excuses and blocks galore, I mean we all have things we've been meaning to get to but somehow don't.  I'm done with that not getting to the things in life, excuses are just fear talking louder than desire.  So I have a new computer, a cleared off space in front of my favorite window and I no longer work on Wednesdays and because I keep saying I want to write more... I will write more. I've made time and space for this and I could NOT be happier about giving writing a solid place in my world. Not even sure what will come of it all and right now I just don't really care, the joy is in the doing of the thing you have been meaning to do. The things that cause you say "I've always wanted to...."

As I launch myself into this way of coming at life, I felt a need to have an umbrella name, one to encompass whatever form it all takes. Whether I sew things, write things, stitch things, knit things or bake things...a name and place for my creative outlets. And although I've named some things before, I felt the need to strip it all down.   By B is the umbrella you will find me under. Once I get all the By B stuff set up, I'll have the path for finding me and my big umbrella but I started here with what I have in operation, I'm a little unsure about how to manage the next part of the set up but for now I'm here.   B...  that's me, what my friends call me and it's just what I need, simple and earnest. So this is me, stretching my fear busting attitude, facing life with joy, excitement and knowing that what I want is now and always has been in my own hands. If I want to be a writer, then I need to write. If I want to be a baker, I need to bake, if I want to hike, get out and hike and if I want to be happy, I can be happy.  

 I thought today on this first new step in this new place I would know what to write that would be so perfect but I'm a little blocked up, just the setting up and the opening of the computer is truthfully a lot. I don't even know if blogs are still a thing, I just know that long captions on Facebook aren't the place to work out the writing of things and this is a place to jump in. So here I am hoping you will hang out with me,  figuring out where this little path will take me and hopefully you will come along.  I have things to say, stories to tell, books to talk about and truths from my heart to share. I need good positive honest things in my life and will throw some out for anyone else who needs them. This is a starting spot, figuring out how the new keyboard feels and trying to find a font that looks a bit different from all the other fonts, I mean honestly the fonts.....  I'm so very glad you are here. And now a new little round up kind of section I'll be doing every week.  3 Things.  Just a journal type wrap up of 3 things I have been thinking about, doing, reading, wondering or watching.  here...we...go...

Three Things

1. I love October, it's my birthday month, my favorite month but right now November feels calm and cool like mist in the morning before the day sets in upon itself. I'm full of gratitude for so many decisions I've made and November seems to be welcoming  with the pace of less busyness.  

2. I'm halfway in the reading of The Book of Magic  by Alice Hoffman (one of my favorite authors, if not top favorite). The last in the Owens women story (Practical Magic is the first written in this group) and oh boy is it good.  Full of all the magic and heartache and family and love you could want or need.  I highly recommend all 4 books but read them in the time order they fit.  This is the last and I do NOT want this to be the end of this series.

3. I need the most sweet, simple Christmas and I need it soon.  I crave comfort and cozy, and white lights and giving and family and memories like crazy right now. Someday I'll be able to explain why, but right now, I just need to hold onto what is good and bright and kind in this world.  I will honor Thanksgiving (so excited for the plans we have this year) but I may have scatterings of bottle brush trees and little houses creeping in before the end of November.  Whatever, however you decide to Christmas it up, it's totally fine. We need what we need.  

OKAY!!!  I did it.  First Wednesday writing all looking out the prettiest window in my house and full of emotion, gratitude all peaking out from behind fear and trepidation. Thank you for reading this, I promise it will get better...I'll do better.  

Love you like a new adventure.

B

P.S.  ...about the different sized fonts, my new computer and I are learning to play nice with each other.  And if I'm honest...I kind of love the randomness of it all.  

 

if the dress fits.... or doesn't

Today I am going to tell you the story of the dress that didn't fit.   Grab yourself something to drink, and get cozy...

Last year I bought a dress from Old Navy online, because 1. Pandemic, everything was bought online and 2. even if it had been a normal year, I despise everything about dressing rooms. So without a try on I got a cute dress...soft floral print, short slightly puffed sleeves, a lovely bit of elastic smocking in the back, soft and floaty, perfect for wearing with white sneakers and a denim jacket.  The dress arrived and it was even better in person, for such a bargain price it was extremely well made and fully lined. It slipped over my head and felt wonderful on.  But.  I never got around to wearing it because pandemic and all.   

 I've been working with my trainer/son Tyler to get stronger and less fluffy.  Stronger is going well, less fluffy also seemed to be going well.  I walk 30 minutes a day, twice a week a resistance workout with weights and my body weight and focusing on eating, sleeping and being well. I can see changes, I can feel changes...so that is success in and of it's own.  Feeling kind of sassy, I decided to wear THE DRESS to work a couple of weeks ago. It slipped on just fine, from the front it looked adorable and I felt pretty good but as soon as I sat in my car, I felt the "waist" slip up to right under my boobs and there it began.  A tug of war that went on the whole day as I sat at my desk, every time I stood up, a readjusting of where the dress wanted the waist seam to sit. The pulling of dress to where a waist should be but isn't on my body.  I've never had much of a waist but even as I see it start to reappear in the mirror, it's still only sort of a waistish area.  The dress spent the whole day reminding me that my body didn't work right and by the time I got home, I was awash in shame over the fact that I didn't fit into the dress even though I "should" have. It was uncomfortable and frustrating.  

The dress was thrown in a heap in the back of my closet the moment I could pull it off so it couldn't mock me further as I stripped down to elastic waist shorts and a baggy tank top to let my body breathe a bit after a very long day of tugging and shaming.  I berated myself for not trying harder with my workouts and eating and it was a downhill march lead by the dress.   Lucky for me, my trainer/son called to check in and say hi and I unloaded a whole lot of failure based complaints at a fast pace.  And then he reminded me that 2 months before, I couldn't walk without a limp (hip stuff) or pain and that I was his most consistent worker and that sleep had improved, my general outlook on life had improved and generally I was succeeding. Workouts are meant to help me live a more active happy life and my body hadn't failed the dress.  Expecting a dress bought without trying on to fit perfectly and fill my expectations was pretty unreasonable and truly, the dress wasn't right for me because my body is doing it's job, the dress wasn't a good fit.

So here is what I know for sure.  Don't wear uncomfortable clothing for one minute, life is short and your body is just fine.  Dress in things that make you feel lovely and loved. And get on with it.... Don't berate yourself because a piece of clothing doesn't feel good.   That's it... love your body for where it got you and how it loves you.  

I'll keep walking, I'll keep up my resistance workouts and I'll continue to eat better to feel better. Because walking without pain is a big huge deal and I have some trails to try with loved ones soon without a bit of limping. What happens with my body will be a by product of all of that love.  I'll find a dress that makes me happy and I can wear all day long without a tug of war but never will a piece of clothing let me feel shame again.  

Thanks for reading, honestly, it's a big amazing deal to me. 

Stay Wild

B

How it's going ....3 weeks in

 I said I would share how the no spend 60 days is going. As in life there are wins and there are the opposite of wins so here we go. Because I am a glass half full, face to the sunshine kind of girl, let's start with the wins.

1.   I haven't stopped at the Starbucks by my office for almost 3 weeks!  I usually do that 4 times a week because I am lazy leaving the house and don't get breakfast or a morning cup of something handled at home.   And because a cup of something is better with a scone or croissant with ham and cheese, my costs were about $11 per Starbucks visit.  So I saved $132 by making my drink of something at home and brought fruit from home and a mini bagel.  I also saved a bunch of calories as my homemade tea with a bit of honey is much healthier. WIN

2.  I also have been bringing my lunch instead 3 times a week hitting up the deli by work for a small sandwich, chips and drink at $12 per stop.  $108 saved and also calories. I've been making delicious sandwiches or bringing healthy leftovers. WIN ( except yesterday when I got a fast food cheese burger and diet Dr. Pepper and sat in my car listening to my audible book.  I'm not apologizing for any of that.)

3. I've planned meals out before I hit the store and although I don't do the super impressive kind of Sunday meal prep, I do have an idea of what I'm making for dinner at the beginning of the day.  Also not picking up easy fast dinners out of shear unwillingness to think about what is for dinner ONE MORE DAY.  This saves money in our budget and calories for me (Don't tell any of my people that they are eating healthy, they will revolt) WIN

Okay now the spending part.

1. Covid left my sense of taste totally altered, I tried to make a box cake a couple of times and all I tasted was chemicals. Because sometimes you just need cake, I had to find a solution. So inspired by my incredible baking and cooking girlfriends and with encouragement, I got a new cookbook by the genius girl at Half Baked Harvest.  Decided to make a cake but didn't have even a sheet pan the recipe called for or a whole bunch of the baking ingredients.  It took a trip to Target and the grocery store to gather all the stuff and I dove in to make my first from scratch cake.  $50 worth of cake making stuff and a couple of hours of talking to myself and the cookbook, it was done in all her messy glory. A gigantic 3 layer rectangle shaped cake that was so full of chocolate and love I thought I would lose my mind. Yes she went on Instagram because I was damned proud and oh what a difference from box mix cakes.

https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/cookbook/half-baked-harvest-super-simple/

HOWEVER, because it was a $50 cake and a $25 cookbook, it doesn't go in the no spend column. Plus my 40 year old Harvest Gold hand mixer that I got as a bridal shower gift in 1980 died as I was making the frosting and I currently am obsessing about homemade cakes and needing  a stand mixer.  The cake ingredients will be used as will the cookbook so it's a life win but not money saver at this point.

2.  I did not buy anything from Old Navy for 3 weeks.   This has been not super helpful go to self soother kind of shopping lately when I'm feeling down, stressed or life anxiety .  That has saved me about $100 because I never get one Old Navy thing, I find outfits and lots of pieces of cute but not long lasting clothing.   AND I live so close to an Old Navy I could have my son hit the back of the store with a football...or close to it.  I also am trying to commit to less waste in clothing and things that I honestly don't need. However, I love cute clothes...really really love cute clothes.  So I ordered a great basic top pattern from a small independent pattern company. And I ordered some wonderfully mismatched fabric to make a top.   Total was about $55.  But again the pattern will be used again as will even the scraps from the fabric, I have a plan for all of it...

https://picking-daisies.shoplightspeed.com/ruby-star-society-rise-grow-in-shell-with-metallic.html?id=59810168

https://sewhouse7.com/collections/printed-paper-patterns/products/copy-of-the-remy-raglan-top-paper-pattern

So at the end of 3 weeks, I saved $340 plus many calories and I spent $130 but now have a LOVELY cookbook, baking ingredients and a pattern I will use and made a good cake (took  some calories back).  Did I succeed in total no spending? NO... Did I do better ..a whole hearted YES. I didn't spend $200 that I might have with my now almost gone habits that feel like I'm breaking.  I  returned to knit on a  sweater project I put away in a basket for months, organized and cleaned out a dresser, donated a bag of clothing and jewelry.... and got through 3 weeks of the ups and downs that happen. I cleaned out my social media more, took Twitter off my phone and did some serious work on plotting what do I want to do with my next best years and some how  I will make it happen contemplation. I read a bunch of The Midnight Library (book in hand) and listened to  The Four Winds on Audible ( goodness you need to read or listen to this book you all.)  And have decided to let my hair grow wild for the next year (that was my Valentine's Day decision gift to me, but to be clear, I will get it colored for now), let's see how that goes. I am putting that whole bit of life in the WIN column. Plus $200 is nothing to shake a stick at, it's a good amount of intentional good changes and in 3 more weeks it's $200 more worth of change and I'll take that to the bank all day long.

So tell me if you are inclined about your WIN column, your thoughts on changing habits  and  I'm also here with love and "I get it" for the stuff that feels like the opposite of a win.  Take a look at it a little differently with the light shining on it and you will see  that even the not wins sometimes are working in your favor as you head to living your next best years. In spite of it all.  I got you, we got this.  

Live Wildly

B

p.s.  A big huge shout out and bunch of love to Texas, you all have my heart as you clean up and come to reckon with hard things.   From me to you, I love your face to the sun attitudes and truth telling about the hardships.  May you heal and grow .