Today I am going to tell you the story of the dress that didn't fit. Grab yourself something to drink, and get cozy...
Last year I bought a dress from Old Navy online, because 1. Pandemic, everything was bought online and 2. even if it had been a normal year, I despise everything about dressing rooms. So without a try on I got a cute dress...soft floral print, short slightly puffed sleeves, a lovely bit of elastic smocking in the back, soft and floaty, perfect for wearing with white sneakers and a denim jacket. The dress arrived and it was even better in person, for such a bargain price it was extremely well made and fully lined. It slipped over my head and felt wonderful on. But. I never got around to wearing it because pandemic and all.
I've been working with my trainer/son Tyler to get stronger and less fluffy. Stronger is going well, less fluffy also seemed to be going well. I walk 30 minutes a day, twice a week a resistance workout with weights and my body weight and focusing on eating, sleeping and being well. I can see changes, I can feel changes...so that is success in and of it's own. Feeling kind of sassy, I decided to wear THE DRESS to work a couple of weeks ago. It slipped on just fine, from the front it looked adorable and I felt pretty good but as soon as I sat in my car, I felt the "waist" slip up to right under my boobs and there it began. A tug of war that went on the whole day as I sat at my desk, every time I stood up, a readjusting of where the dress wanted the waist seam to sit. The pulling of dress to where a waist should be but isn't on my body. I've never had much of a waist but even as I see it start to reappear in the mirror, it's still only sort of a waistish area. The dress spent the whole day reminding me that my body didn't work right and by the time I got home, I was awash in shame over the fact that I didn't fit into the dress even though I "should" have. It was uncomfortable and frustrating.
The dress was thrown in a heap in the back of my closet the moment I could pull it off so it couldn't mock me further as I stripped down to elastic waist shorts and a baggy tank top to let my body breathe a bit after a very long day of tugging and shaming. I berated myself for not trying harder with my workouts and eating and it was a downhill march lead by the dress. Lucky for me, my trainer/son called to check in and say hi and I unloaded a whole lot of failure based complaints at a fast pace. And then he reminded me that 2 months before, I couldn't walk without a limp (hip stuff) or pain and that I was his most consistent worker and that sleep had improved, my general outlook on life had improved and generally I was succeeding. Workouts are meant to help me live a more active happy life and my body hadn't failed the dress. Expecting a dress bought without trying on to fit perfectly and fill my expectations was pretty unreasonable and truly, the dress wasn't right for me because my body is doing it's job, the dress wasn't a good fit.
So here is what I know for sure. Don't wear uncomfortable clothing for one minute, life is short and your body is just fine. Dress in things that make you feel lovely and loved. And get on with it.... Don't berate yourself because a piece of clothing doesn't feel good. That's it... love your body for where it got you and how it loves you.
I'll keep walking, I'll keep up my resistance workouts and I'll continue to eat better to feel better. Because walking without pain is a big huge deal and I have some trails to try with loved ones soon without a bit of limping. What happens with my body will be a by product of all of that love. I'll find a dress that makes me happy and I can wear all day long without a tug of war but never will a piece of clothing let me feel shame again.
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